The Secret Diary of Rigby the Raccoon
by MarioMan67
Summary: Rigby writes in his journal. 11/18/13 - No chapter today, but I added an author's note at the beginning. Readers' discretion is advised. R&R!
1. Entry 1: The Beginning

**The Secret Diary of Rigby the Raccoon **

by MarioMan67

**A/N**: This story takes place in an alternate universe. Some things are different from the TV show (like Margaret still working at the coffee shop, etc.), but others aren't.

**Entry #1** - October 5 (noon)

Hey. I'm Rigby. I'm writing this here in my new journal that I stol- er, _bought_ from some store I can't remember or name. Anyway, I work at the local park, and I live there too with my buddy Mordecai. He's a good friend, but sometimes he yells at me... alot. I'm somewhat sensitive, so I don't like being yelled at, by my best friend or otherwise. Our boss, Benson is really rude to us and yells at us too. He keeps on threatening that he's gonna fire us, but I don't believe him... though he did fire me once or twice. I also have a girlfriend, Eileen. I, uh, don't feel like talking about her right now as... basically, if anyone finds this diary, Mordecai, Muscle Man (I don't really like him), or anybody, and finds the part where I talk about her and how she looks so beautiful and stuff, I'll be screwed.

I'm gonna go to the coffee shop. Maybe Eileen is there. I'm gonna tell her about my secret journal, in private, just in case anyone asks.

- **Rigby**


	2. Entry 2: Carter and Briggs

**Entry #2** - October 5 (roughly 4:00 PM)

Me and Mordecai went to the coffee shop earlier. Eileen wasn't there. I asked Margaret, Mordecai's girlfriend, if she was in the coffee shop. She said something like, ''Oh, I think she's out sick. She'll be back in a few days.'' Now, I'll have to tell her about the journal later. Why can't I just go to her house anyway and do it? Why? Why am I so lazy? Why do I have to be lazy?

Oh, wait, it's because they keep showing endless marathons of ''Carter and Briggs'' and I can't miss any episodes...

Me and Mordecai are huge fans! We've haven't played video games in days because of those repeats! We even guest-starred on one episode! Anyway, Benson and Muscle Man (another park worker) kept annoying us during today's marathon, the former repeatedly telling us to get back to work, and Muscle Man either pranking us endlessly or tricking us endlessly. It sucked. Finally, about 10 minutes ago, Benson broke the TV, so me and my blue friend (guess who?) could do some actual work for once. Too bad the new episode comes on at 11 PM, and we don't have any money to replace the TV. So, we'll have to find another to watch it on. Too bad...

**- Rigby**


	3. Entry 3: The Dilemma

**Entry #3** - October 6 (10:30 AM)

I'm sooooo tired... Let me tell you why: Yesterday, Benson smashed the TV because me and my friend kept on watching ''Carter and Briggs'' episodes non-stop. So we then tried to find another TV to watch the new episode. We wandered around the area we live in, asking someone if me and Mordecai could watch it.

Ok, we didn't really do it, we only went to about three places: Muscle Man's trailer, Benson's house, and the coffee shop. I don't know where our TV is.

Let me give you the results:  
Muscle Man had his girlfriend Starla around, and they didn't want us in there, because they were having a date. I thought to myself, ''Why can't they just go somewhere, like to a restaurant or something?'' Mordecai must've thought that too. Normally, on Saturday nights, the two go either to Wing Kingdom, or if they don't, they stay at the house at the park. Think they wanted a change for once. They also go to some other restaurants, and uh... a few other places, but Wing Kingdom and the house are the only places I can actually name that they go to regularly.

Benson wasn't keen on us coming to his apartment, so he shut us out. And he banned us from coming to his place ever again. That ban may last... 'till the next time we go there, or get invited to some crazy party.

I know the coffee shop has TVs for people to watch, but unfortunately it's not one of these 24-hour coffee shops. It closes at 9 most weeknights, and around 10 on weekends. At this point, me and Mordecai gave up hope. He wanted to go to bed. But I didn't. Ok, maybe I did, but still.

Margaret was there, and so was our chance. We asked her if we could spend the night at her place.

Surprisingly, she said ''yes''! I was so happy that night! I think yesterday would end, as usual, in failure, but I was wrong!

I'll write about the night at Margaret's dorm room when I get the chance. It really was quite a night, I'm telling you. But unfortunately, me and Mordecai have to work for a few hours.

I'll keep you posted.

**- Rigby**


	4. Entry 4: At Margaret's

**Entry #4** - October 6 (5:00 PM)

Now that I've worked my ass off, I'm gonna write down what happened when me and Mordecai went to Margaret's dorm room, while watching some G4 programs. ''Uh, Mr. Rigby? Isn't it called the Esquire Network now?'', you'd probably ask. Well, that channel actually replaced some other channel. Style or something. It dosen't matter. No one watches the networks anyway.

Anywho, Margaret said we could come to her place if we wanted. Yes, she let me in too. This was good, because we wanted to see the new episode of ''Carter and Briggs''. It was a season premiere, either the 27th or the 65th. There's so many seasons, I've lost count.

When we got there, I noticed that the place was somewhat... smallish. I'm not really used to those tiny, tiny apartments in those colleges. How can people live in those, I'm not sure. I'm also not sure how other people can live in these and somehow manage not to care.

I'm also not sure if Mordecai and Margaret are still having an affair, or not, but that's not the point.

Anyway, Margaret decided to study for a little I.Q. test. I managed to sneak a look. ALL the questions on those papers she was studying looked EXTREMELY hard. Lotsa... let's just say questions that would cause elementary students to pout, middle school students to blow their brains out, and high school students to kill themselves. How can people do these things?

Now, back on topic. The room had cable TV, which meant we could watch the show. It was basic cable though, so no movie channels or stuff like that.

Margaret decided to study the test on the bottom of the bed, a bunk bed to be precise. That's rather bunk. She dosen't have a roommate yet. So, I decided to lie on the top of the bed with the remote, but Mordecai already beat me to it. I had to sit on the chair. I still had the remote, thankfully, and changed the channel to the (almost-ending) Carter and Briggs marathon. We started getting all hyped up for the final episode of the night. Well, Margaret didn't. But still though.

The episode started off all fine and dandy and stuff. Then some weird twists appeared out of nowhere. Carter was killed by the grandsons of some murderer from the 1920s; because Carter's grandfather worked with the police force then, and helped them catch that guy and put him in prison for the rest of his life, the sons decided to take revenge on the grandson.

Then, Briggs went to the funeral, and Carter's family and the entire police department was there; after we saw that, he saw some person get beaten up by ferocious muggers. Briggs shot the bad guys, and after the guy introduced himself, it turned out, that the kid was Carter's teenage son, Carter Jr. He helped out Briggs with his investigation on the Pingasky murders; they were solved in about a half-hour in real time (when the episode aired.). Then, there was a celebration, and Carter's family allowed Carter Jr. to join the police force. He got partnered up with Briggs, and then the episode ended.

I didn't like it. Why did Carter have to be killed off? Why couldn't they kill off some other character? Plus, I saw on the internet that when shows put a grown kid on a show that has lasted two seasons or more, the show is cancelled within a season. That could happen to ''Carter and Briggs''.

Mordecai didn't really watch the episode; he was too busy sleeping. I turned off the TV, then relaxed for a bit. I then decided to ask Margaret about something. She was also asleep, but I thought maybe I could talk to her.

''Hey, Margaret.'' I said.

Margaret woke up. ''What?'' she said.

''How did you do on the test?'' I replied.

She replied with, ''Oh, I finished already. I think I did great. I'm gonna give it to the teacher Monday. We don't have college on Sundays.''

''That's nice to know.'' I said. Bored, I then said, ''Hey Margaret, you do love me too? I mean... I know you love Margaret and want to be his girlfriend, but... I'm just saying... Do you love me as well?''

Margaret thought it over. She said she didn't really love me, but she did like me a lot, it was just that I was too cowardly and stupid. And none of her other boyfriends were?

I pouted silently. By this point I was extremely tired, so I decided to waltz right up to the bed... and then... I'll tell you right now.

I kissed her.

What? So I can't kiss anyone but Eileen? I was so surprised that I actually did it when I remembered it this morning. Then, I took a swig of nightcap I saw in the fridge, so I could make it force me to sleep.

Big mistake. I then had a few nightmares. So scary, and so weird, that if you were watching the dreams on TV, you would have taken your life. I woke up a few hours later, and screamed. I woke up Mordecai and Margaret too, and they screamed. I was truly scared that night, and I was slightly dizzy as well.

Mordecai started yelling at me, but I ignored it and started kissing him. He yelled, ''Get off me!'' I continued though. He threw me down on the floor, and I started crying like a baby. Margaret said, ''Rigby, why are you awake?'' I sniffled for a few seconds, then woke up and screamed right in her face, ''I! DON'T! KNOWWWWWWWWWW!'' and started making love to her. She was less than impressed.

She put me in bed angrily, and started sleeping with me. I started chewing on one of the wooden bars that held up the bed. Somehow, that helped me calm down.

This morning, I woke up, restless. I pulled my teeth out from the wood. I jumped out of bed, and woke up Mordecai. ''Wake up! Wake up! We gotta go home!'' He woke up, and he said goodbye to Margaret. She said, ''Please don't let Rigby come in here anymore, Mordecai. He was acting all crazy a few hours ago.''

So me and Mordecai hurried out of the dorm. Next time, journal, I'm gonna write about my visit to Eileen's house earlier this afternoon.

Oh yeah, let me tell you this: I'll never drink anything with alochol in it before I go to sleep ever again.

- Rigby


	5. Entry 5: The Discovery

**Entry #5** - October 7 (8:45 PM)

Ok, I lied. I decided to write about my visit to Eileen's house today because I was tired yesterday. I didn't feel like doing it. But I'll tell you about it now.

Yesterday, I decided to go to her house because I wanted to show her my journal. I normally don't go to people's houses when they're sick for some reason, but I didn't want to wait.

So I took the golf cart and drove off. It's weird how Benson never scolds us groundskeepers for stealing them and using them for our own purposes. Some people ask, but I don't. I wonder how come people don't stare at us while we're driving these on the road.

Anyway, when I entered Eileen's house, I saw her lying on the couch, clutching a blanket, sniffling... 'cause she was sick, obviously. I felt sorry for her. I've never seen her get sick... and I've never seen anyone get sick in October, but still.

I went up to her and said hello. She recognized me, and replied with another hello. I poured some soda for us and we started talking for a bit. It turns out, she had to stay home because one of her ex-boyfriends started stalking her, and following her everywhere. Like how the lamb followed Mary everywhere she went. Because of this, Eileen told the coffee shop owner that she couldn't come to work for a while, and then she told Margaret to tell anyone who asked about her that she was sick, so when the boyfriend found out about Eileen's job and went there, he wouldn't find her.

Weird.

Then she became sick because she got germs from some foreign guy with a bad cold. So now, Eileen really is sick. What a coincidence. She told me all that by the way.

I found it interesting, and so after talking about other things and then, um, embracing her, I left. As I drove away, I thought about something. ''Wouldn't the stranger know Eileen's address if she was stalking her?'', I mumbled.

I guess I'll find out the next time I see her. If I'm not sick from the germs.

**- Rigby**


	6. Entry 6: So Much Fun

**Entry #6** - October 9 (4:00 PM)

I love being lazy. It's so much fun. So much fun. You don't have to do anything. I don't have much to say about the subject unfortunately, so... see ya.

**- Rigby**


	7. Entry 7: Why Did I Get This Journal?

**Entry #7** - October 12 (6:53 PM)

Seven... that's a lucky number, I believe. I've wondered recently ''How did I manage to get this far in my diary?'' Normally, I don't do much at the park... I don't remember why I joined anyway. That's why I write often here.

I got this journal because I wanted something to write on. I wanted to write about my problems, how I was feeling, stuff like that. I also want to tell you about my friends at the park here.

This is secret though. No one can look inside. No one can find it either, unless someone saw it earlier somehow.

So... yeah. I think I'm starting to be sick already. Stupid coughing guy.

**- Rigby**


	8. Entry 8: I'm Sick

**Entry #8** - October 14 (12:00 PM)

_Now_ I'm sick. I feel like a piece of crap. I keep coughing and coughing and coughing...

I feel if I cough one more time I'll die.

I'll beat up that man if it's the last thing I do...

**- Rigby**


	9. Entry 9: One Good Thing

**Entry #9** - October 14 (2:20 PM)

Still sick... The good thing is Benson does not let sick people work. He gives them a few days off. I don't think he's really concerned, because I've lied before to get out of work. Working in the park is so boring. Fortunately, all the awesome things that happen as a result of me and Mordecai not working, makes it a lot more worthwhile (is it spelt like that?)

Maybe that's why I still work at the park. Now, if you would excuse me, I've gotta cough some more.

**- Rigby**


	10. Entry 10: Where's My Head?

**Entry #10** - October 15 (5:30 PM)

I'm losing it.

Last night I remembered something. Margaret is _not_ Mordecai's girlfriend. I just forgot about that. So now, I have to re-write my older entries. That sucks. I can't remember though if Margaret's still working at the coffee shop.

I'm also starting to think that the Margaret at the coffee shop is someone in disguise. I just don't know who. There are many people that I know that could be suspects. Like, James, for a example. A former groundskeeper at our park, he got fired because he kept dressing up as other people, and also because he was incompetent.

I don't know if that Margaret is a clone or a robot or a person in a rubber suit. I do know that, a few days ago, fake Margaret gave us the address to the real one's college. She was surprised, to tell you the truth, when me and Mordecai entered her room. I just didn't write about it.

Again, I don't know Margaret is still working or not. But I'll tell you this: I'm gonna do something... I'll talk about this to Mordecai, _then_ we'll probably figure out the truth about her.

**- Rigby**


	11. Entry 11: The Two Margarets

**Entry #11** - October 16 (3:00 PM)

Last night, me and Mordecai were at the coffee shop, and Margaret was there. The real one, though.

Mordecai went over to Margaret and started talking to her. They both seem pretty happy, I thought. I then noticed the fake walking to get something. She turned around, saw us and retreated.

'Least she has common sense. I hope... I told Mordecai about the fake yesterday. I think he noticed last night, but I don't know. We haven't discovered anything. I know this, however: We will unmask that phony Margaret, and then we'll see who the culprit is.

**- Rigby**


	12. Entry 12: My Journal's Been Discovered!

**Entry #12** - October 16 (6:35 PM)

I knew this would happen. Muscle Man discovered this journal not long after I wrote the 11th entry, and showed it to everyone. Mordecai, Benson, Pops, Skips, Fives, Margaret, Thomas... EVERYONE INSIDE THE HOUSE, and maybe other people too. I'm _dead_ now... I am _so_ whipped... I'm gonna have to get a new journal now. Why hasn't Muscle Man been fired yet? Maybe it's because Benson is an idiot, I presume?

Now, everyone's gonna be looking inside my journal, or at least ask me what I wrote. I hate that! This was supposed to be _private_, but now it isn't anymore. I also have to be more careful about what I write.

I may have some kind of plan in my hands... I will do it soon, and then I'll tell about it.

**- Rigby**


	13. Entry 13: The Divine Plan

**Entry #13** - October 17 (4:00 PM)

Okay, so recently I rigged up a trap. I left my journal on top of the drawers in our room. I made it so if anyone took the book to tell people my secrets, a net would fall on them, and capture them.

Basically, I tied a long rope to my journal. Then, if for example Muscle Man took the journal, the rope, which was attached to a screw which was attached to a net, also held up by another nail, would trigger the nail to be pulled out of the wall, and the net would fall on the floor. Or on the person who took it.

Did it work? _No..._ Muscle Man simply slipped the rope off the journal. That sucked. I put it there again a few hours later. Benson wanted to look at it to see if I wrote anything bad about him, and took it. He didn't get the rope off, though. Unfortunately, the rope broke. How do I know who _got_ my journal, you may ask? I heard about it. I don't have a CCTV camera.

I'll try again later. However, me and Mordecai might have to search for clues. Remember the fake Margaret? We need to solve that mystery.

**- Rigby**


	14. Entry 14: The Suspect

**Entry #14** - October 17 (6:30 PM)

I hate the number 13. I'm afraid if I stop writing for the day, people will be out to get me. Like Mordecai, for example. Don't know why.

Mordecai and I have found only one clue. When we went to the coffee shop, we saw a man dressing up as Margaret. Why, I don't know. We also saw men's clothing on the counter floor, so...

It's obviously a man that's the suspect. But why? Why is a man dressing up like a woman? I don't know any reasons, though.

I'll keep you posted on our story. See ya!

**- Rigby**


	15. Entry 15: Another Clue

**Entry #15** - October 19 (2:00 PM)

Me and Mordecai have just found another clue: The suspect was writing down something on the counter, and then he left to go to the bedroom. So, we checked it out.

Apparently, he is a member of some secret agency. This group has a thing for Margaret, and some members come in every once in a while to get a glimpse of her. The suspect was writing about how he dressed up as her at the coffee shop, how he met Eileen and the coffee shop owner, how he found out the addresses to Margaret's college and Eileen's house, and so forth. Apparently, he also has a thing for Eileen too.

Personally, I think he's stalking both of them. But, unfortunately the letter was unfinished. I took it anyway.

Hopefully, we'll find out who's responsible for this.

**- Rigby**


	16. Entry 16: Well, Mr Rigby, Who Is It?

**Entry #16** - October 20 (1:00 PM)

We went to the coffee shop yesterday. The suspect was mad at us because I took his letter. We were all nervous, and stuff, but we managed to confront him. Well, Mordecai did most of the confronting. But I did some too. He finally revealed his name to us: James Cooper.

I was surprised. James was dressing up as Margaret this whole time... and we also found out that he dresses up as a Russian man when he's walking on the street, because he dosen't want anyone to notice him. He was also obsessed with Eileen as well, and managed to get hers' and Margaret's address.

Yes, this was the same guy who got fired from the park. A few months ago, I had a dream about him living in a hole, and he was trying to eat me, (he did), but that's not the point. (A/N: This is a reference to a story I have on my account, ''Rigby and the Hole''. Read that, and review it too.)

The point is that he made Eileen sick while dressed up as another person. What an idiot. (James I mean.)

At least Eileen is back in the coffee shop now, still working. Now that whole James mystery has been solved... I'm gonna play video games now.

**P.S.**: I'm still coughing a bit, but I'm alright. See ya. (A/N: Rigby mentioned his cold in a few early entries (#7-9).)

**- Rigby**

**P.P.S.**: Maybe I should be a _real_ mystery solver someday... but that means going into haunted houses and stuff...

See ya... for real this time.

**- Rigby**


	17. Entry 17: Computer Problems

**Entry #17** - October 21 (4:30 PM)

The park computer sucks.

Recently, it hasn't been working so well. The router is half-broken and it makes the internet connection go slow. It feels like a snail stuck trapped in bubble gum. I'm saying that basically, it takes forever to load anything. No wonder the monitor and keyboards are battered. And it's been infected by malware and spyware and all kinds of viruses. I didn't know computers could get that sick. Benson probably would buy a new computer if the park had a larger budget. But it dosen't, so no new computer. Or a new router.

**- Rigby**


	18. Entry 18: Terror Tales of the Park III

**Entry #18** - October 22 (1:00 PM)

So... Cartoon Network aired ''Terror Tales of the Park III'' last night. That's actually a true thing we do: We tell Halloween stories to each other. Somehow, those TV people managed to place invisible cameras all over the area we live in so they can get material for episodes.

We told all of its stories last year: 2012. For some reason, the show keeps falling behind with us. Everything that happens on TV to us has already happened. It takes either a few weeks, a few months, or a year to show what has happened to us. I don't know why that happens.

Anyway, everything that happened in the episode actually happened. Okay, I should stop saying the word ''happen'' now. It's getting annoying.

I was surprised. I was just flippin' through channels when I saw myself getting a new bed in the mail. Weird.

You know what else is weird? Two things: the fact that only some of us know about the TV cameras, and the fact that all the things that occur to us after we tell the stories revert back to normal, and so does everything else the night after Halloween.

I don't get that.

**- Rigby**


	19. Entry 19: Halloween Prank

**Entry #19** - October 24 (6:00 PM)

Mordecai went to spend time with Margaret, so I'm alone now. He'll be back tonight. I'm thinking I should spend my time with Eileen as well. Haven't gone on a date with her in weeks. I don't know what we would do though. Talk? Go to Cheezer's? Or go to some other restaurant? I don't know.

Mordecai thinks I'm an idiot, but I don't think that's true. No it isn't. I think I have remembering problems for something. I think he's just jealous of me. I don't see why or how though.

Here's some things that have happened to me recently: Benson threatened to fire me because I spoke bad about him in here. What the heck? I'm trying to write an accurate depiction of my life here, Benson! Why do you have to ruin everything?

Another thing: Muscle Man was getting ready to make Halloween pranks, so he decided to choose me for a test.

He was dressed up as a ghost. His friend, Hi-Five Ghost participated too. They hid in the bathroom. I was going to pee, when suddenly the two floated down. Muscle Man was on wires connected to ropes and strings, and didn't really float down as smoothly. They surprised me so much that I pissed on the floor.

Muscle Man and Fives laughed hysterically, and took off. I had to clean my mess. That sucked.

I'll write more soon. Hopefully my date will turn out well.

**- Rigby**


	20. Entry 20: The Night Out

**Entry #20** - October 26 (2:00 PM)

Yesterday, me and Mordecai talked about our, uh- nights out. I found out that Margaret still works at the coffee shop - when she has time. He asked her about it. The time I saw her at the table - well, it was pretty late that time, and it was only a few minutes before it closed anyway.

That still dosen't mean I'm an idiot though.

Anyway, Thursday night turned out to be a great one for me and Eileen. We went shopping for Halloween costumes, we went to a restaurant, we had sex... I think me and her are now officially a couple.

As I said before, Mordecai talked about his date. But I knew _his_ night couldn't compare to mine.

Right now, Benson wants me to get to work. Alrighty, then. Catch ya later.

**- Rigby**


	21. Entry 21: There Has to Be More to Life

**Entry #21** - October 27 (3:50 PM)

Halloween is coming soon. You know what that means... We'll tell some stories... and stuff will happen to us in it. Don't know what though. I'm not a psychic.

Sometimes I find myself with nothing to do. Today is one of those days. We don't really work on Sundays unless we have to (or want to, but what's the point?). I want to, or I'd like to do certain things, but I can't or don't want to for many reasons.

Reruns dominate everything on TV, except when it's nightime. Because of that, TV gets boring after a couple of hours.

I've played every video game me and Mordecai have at least 5,000 times, so video games are out.  
Talking on the phone would be nice to do, but Benson put a limit on how many minutes we can use it a week.

Talking to people would also be nice, but then you run out of things to talk about after a few hours.

The computer is on its last leg, so I don't feel like playing it.

We could do another ''Guy's Night'' or whatever it's called, but Benson banned that after the last time we had it.

Staying at the coffee shop would be fine, but when you eat and/or drink a lot... Basically, me and Mordecai have had to wash dishes quite a few times because of it.

There has to be more to life than just eating, drinking and sleeping. There just has to be! Why hasn't anything happened to us recently!?

Maybe I'll just go to sleep then. Good night, journal. Don't let anyone wake me up.

**- Rigby**


	22. Entry 22: Thanksgiving

**Entry #22** - November 3 (3:55 PM)

Now that Halloween has come and gone, it's time for us to go back to our normal ways. I know I haven't written in a while. I was getting ready for Halloween. I don't know how this year turned out, though. My memory was resetted. Or I reset it myself. I think I was supposed to use ''resetted'' there, but I don't know if that's a real word.

Now let's talk about other things. Thanksgiving is coming. You know what this means?

1. Lots of stuff on TV (new episodes, movie premieres, TV specials, etc.)  
2. Lots of stress (more than Christmas)  
3. We'll eat a gigantic turkey that has taken a year to cook (why not cook a small ham?)  
4. We'll all end up in a do-or-die situation (The park is prone to this)  
5. Family members will come (The aunt, the uncle, the grandparents, the parents, the cousins, the brothers, the sisters, etc.)

Yeah. More things are bound to happen, but I don't know that. If they do, then just call me Nostradamus.

Catch ya later.

**- Rigby**


	23. Entry 23: What's Happening?

**Entry #23** - November 8 (6:42 PM)

I haven't written in a while, so I'll write now. I'm a very busy man... er,_ raccoon_. Mordecai and me have been working alot and we have bought a new video game. It's a Tetris-type puzzle game and it's very addicting.

Mordecai has been getting ready to see Margaret for the past few days. She's staying here Monday after the coffee shop closes. That day's Veterans Day. I don't know why people celebrate that holiday, but maybe I'll ask someone about it. I think it all started when some old people got tired of fighting, and so left for the day. When they came back, they got beaten up for being lazy. But, some other people thought it was a good idea to ditch the army, and so the army finally gave in and made the government make Veterans Day a real actual holiday.

I'm bringing Eileen over as well. We've gone on at least 5-6 dates since I wrote entry #20. Maybe more. Mordecai thinks I don't put enough effort into my dates. But since Eileen likes it, we do the same things all the time... except Eileen skips out on the sex sometimes and goes straight to sleep. What is she afraid of, anyway?

Oh yeah, Benson is giving a few of us the day off. He thinks me and Mordecai are incompetent to help everyone else get the park ready for the Veterans Day party we're holding. I saw Thomas mailing some invitations. We're simply inviting some old guys who worked in the army to a special dinner.

Meanwhile, me, Mordecai, Eileen and Margaret will be upstairs in our room, far away from the kitchen so we don't distract the others. However, Benson may recruit Margaret and Eileen to help him and Skips cook the food. The party will be held from 4 to 8, and then the old guys will go home. I don't know what we're gonna do next. But then again...

Well, that's enough, I'm dog tired.

**- Rigby**


	24. Entry 24: Metris

**Entry #24** - November 11 (1:00 PM)

Hi, everyone. I'm starting to get a bit bored writing in this here thing. Why do I need to write in here? There's no point.

The Veterans Day dinner is happening in a few hours, and so Mordecai and Rigby have to stay in our room during it so we don't disturb them. I'm not interested anyway. We can easily go out for dinner. Margaret and Eileen have to help cook the food today, so they can't come with us.

You probably knew that anyway, but I'm just reminding you.

Oh yeah, we're just going to play video games before we go out tonight. I gotta get the high score on that puzzle game we bought before Mordecai steals it from me. I'm trying my best.

By the way, the name of that game is simply, ''Metris''. It's a stupid name, but the game isn't.

**- Rigby**


	25. Entry 25: Cockroach

**Entry #25** - November 19 (6:30 PM)

I didn't write about the party last week because it was boring as h-e-l-l. I didn't get any time with Eileen... What a waste of my time that was. I'll talk more about that later.

Let's talk about something that has happened recently to me: There was a cockroach on the kitchen floor and I tried to kill it, but the damn thing woke up not long after I killed it, squirming and shaking like a guy with a seizure. I then tried to drown it, but the roach wouldn't die still. I was getting sick of him, so I got a kitchen glove, grabbed a napkin, and smushed him under it. He then died. I hate cockroaches anyway. I wish they never existed.

**- Rigby**


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